If you’ve been following my blog lately, you know that I recently gave birth to my first child—a beautiful baby girl I call Plumblossom.
My husband and I waited a long time before deciding to settle down and procreate—so long, in fact, that my medical chart bore the lovely, geriatric-sounding “Advanced Maternal Age” label.
Which brings me to the subject of this week’s post… With my biological clock ticking (fast), DH and I need to make a decision soon as to whether we’re “one and done” or ready to try for another. It’s a tough call to make in the midst of first-time parenting sleep deprivation; however, we don’t have the luxury of waiting until Plumblossom is out of diapers to ponder a possible sibling.
Whenever I’ve imagined myself as a mother, it’s generally been to one child. In part, it’s because I’d like to resume our unstructured, nomadic lifestyle once our daughter is a little older; and it seems that planning around the needs, whims, and moods of one child would be much easier than two. We’d be able to devote our full attention and resources to her, and someday bestow on her a travel fund instead of struggling to put multiple children through college.
And yes, it seems more minimalist—with one child, we could get by with less stuff, smaller spaces, and fewer time commitments (be they doctor’s appointments, school activities, etc.).
On the other hand, I’ve seen the wonderful sibling interaction among my friends’ kids, and worry that Plumblossom may spend too many lonely hours wishing for a little brother or sister.
Both my husband and I have siblings, and therefore no experience with what it’s like to be an only child. So this week, instead of posting any words of wisdom or advice, I’m asking you for yours.
I know some of you will advise me to leave it to fate—a charming idea, to be sure, but one I’m not entirely comfortable with when it comes to major, life-altering decisions.
What I’d really like to hear are your experiences: did you decide to have just one child (or more) and why? What are the pros and cons to having (or being) an only child? Do you find minimalism becomes more challenging with each addition, or do shared possessions make for a greater “economy of stuff”?
Thanks in advance to all who respond–I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
{If you’d like to learn more about minimalist living, please consider reading my book, The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide, or subscribing to my RSS feed.}
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We have 2 sweeties. A 4 1/2 y.o. girl and 1 y.o. boy. They absolutely adore each other. I see how happy they are all day, every day, playing with each other and how much they adore each other, and I am so happy that they have this special relationship and will always have each other. (PS Our daughter was super happy before our son was born, and I’d say she is as happy or happier now that she’s got a little brother.) My husband and I LOVE having both of them, it is perfect for us!
Good luck with your decision!
Firstly let me congratulate you on one of the best journeys you could chose to take by having a family, I know it’s not for everyone, I am not. Minimalist yet but know I need to change, I am selfcentered, shopaholic, materialistic and sadly I put some of this down to being an only child. I am striving to change this year and have so far managed 18 days of not spending on unnecessary stuff, 10 days of throwing out at least 1 item a day (as you inspired me to do) i have a long long way to go but i feel I have finally found some motivation to declutter my life. So a big thank you to you and your miss minimalist book.
I hated being an only child and vowed never to have only one child, however I have a 3 year old son and due to having had facility treatment to have him I fear I may not have any more. ( not given up hope yet). I am trying to understand how I will feel if he is an only child. I still have every thing we brought for him as a baby (the planing for minimal never happened with the gifts and a year if time to shop!) I personally would not like to have 1 child only, I don’t want him to be as materialistic as I am, but it’s up to me to change that weather I have 1 or 2 children……. but that’s me.
You need to do what is right for you, I haven’t stopped having adventures with my Hubby and son, I don’t intend to if I have 2 but then I see friends with 2 some become absorbed and some don’t. Like your lifestyle it’s what you make of it.
My husband and his sibling a brother are chalk and cheese, so different in personality, looks, tastes, attitudes, they are not at all close. My mother and her sibling a brother are 5 years apart in age and very close.
It’s what you do, influence, teach, experience as a family which moods and shapes you as we’ll as being an individual. I don’t think your lifestyle choices should affect your decision of how many children you have.
Good lunch with your decision (if you haven’t already made it).
I grew up with 4 older siblings and all we did was fight – all the time. I remember feeling very LONELY even though I had siblings. I shared a room with my mother until I moved out at 18.. I decided to have just one child due to finances but later on my situation changed and I regretted having asked my husband to get fixed. My daughter has always wished for a sibling and I have felt guilt over it. What makes it even worse is that we now live away from family, so she has no cousins, aunts, grandparents, etc. She will never have nieces or nephews and enjoy being an aunt like I did. I feel bad sometimes and sometimes I’m thankful that I stopped at one. I think if you can financially afford to have more, you should have one more, you will not regret it.
Not necessarily — my cousins are all one of 2-4 kids as well. My dad says that he sometimes he wished he had stopped at just one. Now he has to put the second one through school. Also it’s not the same because he can’t focus on work and travel as easily. I guess it depends on what your priorities are.
I grew up an only child, and I remember spending many days crying and pining for a sibling. I was so jealous of my cousins, because they had siblings. If I had had a sibling growing up, I of course would have fought with them constantly and wished I could be an only child. My mom remarried during my teen years and gave me my first sibling when I was 16, and then two more when I was 19 and I am so happy to have them. I think that growing up, your child will likely want the opposite of what you decide to do. But siblings can provide a lot of support as one grows older, and I am so glad that my siblings will be there with me as we go through life. Even though my husband and my own little family will be my main rock, having siblings provides a lot of comfort because we’re so close and will do nearly anything to help each other! I look back on my childhood very fondly, even though I did spend quite a bit of time playing alone, but would have been unhappy if I had never had siblings. Congrats on your safe delivery of a healthy baby, and good luck with your decision!
My kids aren’t objects and they have nothing to do with our minimalism.
We had initially planned on being one and done, I even read books about raising singletons. The pros and cons led us to believe that one was right for us. Then we wound up having two children, and now we’re planning on adopting two more. Looking back, I’m so glad we didn’t stop at one. Our family would have been incomplete.
But, that’s just us. You need to do what’s right for you. I don’t think your minimalism needs to be tied into it. A family of seven can have less clutter and produce less waste than a family of three – it all depends on each family’s lifestyle.
Thank you! I loved your first sentence. I must remember that anything taken to the extreme is harmful! Balance is key.
First off, I LOVE your site!!
Our family is “big” (five children and counting!) but that doesn’t mean our life isn’t minimalist. We are about to move to Thailand with just our suitcases of necessities. We have lived the last five years very happily in a small two bedroom home and on one income. My husband is a teacher in a very small private school with a very small budget. We are desperately poor in the eyes of our society (my children could not believe that when I told them during a discussion during the last election!
) but we are happier and more comfortable than most anyone I know…and no, we most certainly do not live on government aid. We just decided what was important to us and stuck to it– relationships, God, travel. Our children are ECSTATIC when they find out they get a new brother or sister. But my husband and I wanted a big family from the beginning of our marriage. I think they are happy and excited because we are, and that is their life…each other, not stuff or exotic experiences. I just wanted to throw in a bit about our life when I say that a sibling is the best gift we could ever give our children…I know they will be there to support each other even as friends come and go, or when my husband and I are no longer living. I wish you the best in this very key decision of life! 
I am so glad that I found this site. I was starting to think that I was the only one that thought the way I do.
I planned on one and done during my whole pregnancy. I had the papers signed to “tie” and everything. My hubby tried the whole time to convince me to have at least two but to no avail until after…well, long story short, I “tied” after my second. They are four and a half years apart (I couldn’t get pregnant sooner) and they are so close. I, myself, would have been fine with just my son but my daughter completed our little family. My son has a “forever friend” and each parent has a little hand to hold. Also, if my hubby were to die, I could afford to care emotionally and financially for my 2 kids. I think anymore would have been selfish on my part.
I have two children. always want to have more. however, after thinking seriously about this, i decide not to have more kids. two are enough. what i need to do now is to help them grow up healthily with good education that can help them survive this tough life. life is tough. i am not sure whether the kids will blame me for bringing them into this life.
I have space in my heart for many childern, I could see myself having four or five.
But after having one, I have decided to limit myself to two. I believe I have the energy and resources to really nurture two and I’m going to stick to that. If I felt I could nurture more, I would!
I think there is no way to do it right – except what feels right for yourself. I was a very happy and not at all spoiled only child. I didn’t wish for siblings, I had good friends and a close relationship with my parents (still do).
Now I have two kids myself, and I’m lucky that they really love each other. But I don’t think that’s a given. So the decision to have another child wasn’t motivated (and I don’t think it should be) by what the other child might or might not want. The siblings might be best friends – and they just as well might be worst enemies.
I know I would’ve been just as happy as I am now with only one child. With one child you “travel lighter” so to speak.
We have one child and are very happy with this. I was also “advanced maternal aged” when he was born because we got married later in life, so this is a part of why we only have one. In my dreams, I imagined 2 kids. But, as we have lived for 9 years with only one child, I have come to appreciate the simplicity it has given our family. It is easier to travel, certainly more affordable, and we are fortunate to have family nearby which gives our son a cousin his own age to grow up with. Our little family of three is very, very close. We are a tight little unit that loves each other deeply, has a strong sense of family and belonging, and it truly perfect for us! Oh, plus our doggie makes it “4″!
Hi, I grow up alone. Didn’t miss diblings, how could I not knowing how that was? Opposite, there where many friends close to us. I could relax at home, not needed to argue and could have my things for me.
Now I have two girls. And to see them together is a pleasure! They share friends, toys etc. Now it is smooth when they play together, but harder when they were small. Also when we ad parents geting older, it is good for them to be two. Sometimes I travel with one girl, and it is wonderful to be able to do that. And we travel as a family also.
I’m very happy to have 2 children and of course they are not always friends, most of the time they are. And they have each other when we travel. They have too much things, even if I try to get ride if things all the time… When they don’t fine a thing they ask if I have sold the item…
It’s possible, I remember reading a blog about one women who had 3 kids close in age just so she could travel everywhere. But with just 1 kid I imagine it’s a lot easier to be able to take them everywhere. You can just throw open the door and go. One of my high school teachers (5 kids) and hairdressers (8 kids) had come from families where both parents had siblings but they all only wanted 1 kid. (The teacher had 2 sets of cousins that had a son and daughter.)
Their aunts, uncles and cousins traveled everywhere because they had only one kid. After you graduate them, that’s pretty much it. Plus, ages, inflation, and expenses become more of a problem.
This also turned into much controversy on a public forum:
http://www.city-data.com/forum/parenting/1708159-one-child-enough-huffington-article.html
http://www.city-data.com/forum/great-debates/1778555-why-there-so-much-hate-towards.html