I recently received an email from a reader named Elise, who wrote: “You mentioned that you are married. I’d love to know what you have done with your wedding dress and other keepsakes.”
Great question, Elise! After the big day, many women struggle with how to store the “dress of their dreams”—as well as all the other stuff they accumulated from the ceremony and celebration.
Fortunately, I was a minimalist before I got married—and knew I could never manage to drag around a big, bulky, and delicate garment for the rest of my life. My husband and I also wanted little to do with the usual marriage accoutrements (favors, invitations, albums, cake, presents, and the like.)
Therefore, instead of a traditional wedding, we eloped and got married in Iceland. Now, as many of you know, I’m an inveterate carry-on traveler—and I was not about to make an exception for this occasion (especially considering the dilemma I’d have if my luggage was lost!) Getting married abroad, therefore, presented a unique packing challenge: how to transport a dress, shoes, and other accessories in my carry-on bag.
An over-the-top, white satin “princess” dress, complete with veil and train, were obviously out of the question (and not really my style anyway). To top it off, I had little shopping time; we had only a month to do all the requisite paperwork, and get ourselves together, before departure. (As you may have surmised, my husband and I are pretty spontaneous and not particularly adept at long-term planning).
I had one requirement for a wedding dress: that it fit in a standard-size ziplock bag, for easy, no-worry transport. Fortunately, I found just such a garment: a cocktail-length lace dress in pale blue and gold (see photo above). It folded down to practically nothing, and the fabric showed no wrinkles. I accessorized it with a long white cardigan (it’s cold in Iceland!), and some kitten heels that were slim enough to fit in my toiletry bag.
After a short and sweet ceremony, we sent out postcards of Reykjavik (the capital of Iceland, and city in which we were married) to announce our wedded bliss. In lieu of a reception, we went for a nighttime dip in the Blue Lagoon. By keeping things simple, we deftly sidestepped the barrage of gifts that usually accompanies such an event: china, flatware, fondue sets, linens, small appliances, etc. (We already had a furnished household, and certainly didn’t need any more stuff!) Friends and family were content to treat us to dinner, and bottles of wine and champagne, after we returned home.
Therefore, the only “keepsake” we have to store is our marriage certificate. Our photos are all digital, and my dress is now part of my regular wardrobe. We have no “wedding china,” “wedding linens,” or other sentimental “wedding things” that we’ll feel obligated to keep for the rest of our lives.
My advice to single minimalists: if you take the plunge, keep it simple. Otherwise, you may accumulate a lifetime’s worth of stuff in just one day!
I’d love to hear how others have dealt with wedding dresses, gifts, and other keepsakes!
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My husband and I wanted a wedding with our friends there, but we also wanted to keep it simple. We ended up asking our guests to bring pies to the wedding, and planned on serving those along with the cake. If they didn’t want to bring pies, we asked for a few simple gifts that would fit into our household — like a griddle, which we now use weekly. That sort of thing.
I’m not a minimalist (yet! I’m trying!), but we managed to avoid most of the Stuff that comes along with weddings. And as for my wedding dress, I’m planning on cutting it down, dying it, and keeping it as a part of my wardrobe.
SavvyChristine, I love the idea of wedding pies! And that’s a great plan to “alter” your dress to incorporate it into your wardrobe.
When asked to see your wedding dress, it must be interesting to be able to say, “Oh, you’ve seen it; I wore it last Saturday.”
David, it’s actually become my “wedding dress” in more ways than one, as I’ve worn it to other people’s weddings.
I’m not married yet, but i am trying to talk my boyfriend into a simple courthouse wedding with just me and him and then we can spend all our money on a honeymoon instead of worrying about paying for some big wedding which i don’t think either of us want. I’d rather skip the whole wedding thing altogether and just go sign a marriage certificate if he feels we have to get married.
I agree with you, Tabatha–I think the money is better spent on a honeymoon, down payment on a house, etc. Hope your boyfriend is on the same page!
We had a minimalist wedding – we had a civil wedding in the local
registry office on Friday the 13th (Sept 2002), a day when no one else
wanted to get married (Brits are obviously a superstitious lot…) so
we had the place to ourselves. I wore a simple but pretty dress which
cost me £18, and friends took the odd photo. We invited everyone back
to our house for a drink (tea or wine!) and a piece of cake (friends
contributed cakes and I bought a few too – but not a traditional
wedding cake) and we put ‘no presents please’ on the simple
invitations. It was really nice. We had a weekend in a nice hotel in
Manchester city centre (the best place on earth where we now live!!!)
and went back to work on the Monday. No fuss, very little expense,
and no presents to feel guilty about when we took them to the charity
shop…
Julia, what a simple, lovely wedding–thanks so much for sharing this!
I donated my dress to Brides Against Breast Cancer immediately after the wedding. We live in NYC but got married in California. I never even brought my dress home – I just had my Maid of Honor mail it out the day after the wedding!
Krista, many thanks for letting us know about this fabulous organization. Here’s a link for anyone else who’s interested:
http://www.bridesagainstbreastcancer.org/
I’m getting married at the end of the year, and the thought of all that extra STUFF is already stressing me out!
I’m really looking forward to a reasonably large wedding with family + friends, but I really don’t want all the extra possessions that tend to be part of it…
Bridey, perhaps you can ask for donations to a Honeymoon Fund, New House Fund, or something similar in lieu of gifts…
It is refreshing to hear that there are women who stand by their minimalist ideals even for weddings. We should all have such consistency.
Thanks for the lovely comment, Scott!
I don’t have much from the actual day itself, but if I had it to do over, I would not have registered for fine china and crystal. I’ve used it once in 4 years, and then only to say I used it (I have a relative who hasn’t used hers in 14 years). But most girls look forward to all that wedding stuff all their lives, so when you get engaged, there’s so much excitement about having everything new and nice and YOURS. It’s hard to say no to it. My advice is don’t register for things you think you might want “someday.” If you really want those things later, when the wedding-craziness has worn off, there will be a way to acquire them, and by then your tastes probably will have changed anyway. I’m just 4 years in, and I already wish I had decided to collect pieces gradually, since I love old china and antiques shopping, instead of getting an entire matching set that would go with everything. Worst-case scenario is you need to throw a shower or dinner and have no dishes–but I’m sure there are plenty of people who just have it stored away that would be happy to lend it to you!
Kate, I’m so glad you wrote about this. I think a lot of people sign up for registry items because they feel they’re *expected* to have them–whether or not they actually need them. I’m sure your experience and advice will be very helpful for other brides-to-be!
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had always had a minimalist heart so when we got married we kept it to a minimum.
black pants, well fitted tees and black ballet flats have always been always been my uniform, so i just kicked it up a notch with a cotton lace tee and velvet pants.
we didn’t tell anyone we finally planned on getting married (after 25 years together!). picked a minister from the phone book, had her provide a witness, went out to dinner-and have been living happily ever after.
dianon, that sounds like a wonderful, laid-back, and stress-free wedding!
We had been living together also and definitely didn’t want anymore stuff, so we had a backyard potluck wedding. My sister made my dress, we rented some tables and chairs, and we asked our guests to bring a dish to share. It was meaningful and a bit eccentric – just like us.
Hi morgan! I love hearing about weddings like yours.
I wonder if there are any studies correlating simple, down-to-earth weddings with happier (or longer-lasting) marriages?
Wow, I just love this story. After being a caterer for 10 years, I’ve been to lots of weddings and you know what? By and large they are mostly just junk. I find them predictable and a bit depressing. Very few are memorable and authentic.
30 years ago my husband and I eloped to Las Vegas. The only evidence left from that day is our enduring love and the cowboy boots I wore.
~janet
Janet, how cool to have a pair of cowboy boots as your wedding “memento!”
this is EXACTLY what I want.
No gown, no guests, no gifts. In fact, I already own the cute silvery minidress that I’ll probably get married in. Boyfriend and I have been researching international legalities at flyawayweddings.com, and plan on a one-off european elopement/honeymoon, to be followed by a big party for our (I predict: pissed-off that we “cheated them out of a real wedding”) families back in the states.
But all of the fuss, planning, and feeding the W-I complex is totally not for us.
c, that sounds wonderful–I hope you have a blast! Let us know where you decide to get married.
What a wonderful wedding and honeymoon! I’d love to go to the Blue Lagoon too! Those pics on Wikipedia look so enticing!
As for our own wedding, well, if it had all been up to me, I would have wanted a small, intimate wedding in a little chapel on a hill in the town I grew up in. But my in-laws wanted something bigger, so it turned out not to be as minimalist as I had wished. The nice thing though is that it seems to be fine or normal in my husband’s culture to put your bank account number on the wedding invitation and receive gifts in cash instead of in kind. So that’s what we did and we didn’t have to deal with presents like china, cutlery etc.
I got my wedding dress from a closing down sale. It was white, silk and had a petticoat
so it really looked like a wedding dress even though it was very simple. After the wedding, I had a seamstress make the petticoat detachable. I’d like to dye it so it could pass for a formal evening dress but I’m scared of destroying it.
Hi Mia! It sounds like you were able to keep things simple enough, yet still satisfy your families. Great to receive cash instead of more “stuff!”
We were married by the Justice of the Peace. We have no pics because our camera wouldn’t work. I wore a Hawaiian print dress and hubby had the matching shirt. I donated them to a friend later on to wear for a Lua. I found a cute plate online that is done in our “style” with our wedding date and name and a cute pink cake in the middle. One of the few chotskys I have and adore. I then took a favorite picture of us and did it up in black and white and used the shells from our first family vacation (with our then 5 month old son) to decorate the frame. It is very special to us!!! I also printed out some nice words about life that I printed on pretty paper and framed with pictures of our footprints in the sand. Get creative and keep it simple!!! It makes it VERY personal and more meaningful. : )
Heather, I love the idea of a Hawaiian print dress and matching shirt, and your creative keepsakes sound very sweet and meaningful.
[...] My Minimalist Wedding Dress [...]
of all the minimalizing that we have done since becoming minimalist, my wife’s wedding dress still sits in a large box in our basement… some things i guess she’ll never part with (and i hope i’m one of them…).
LOL, becoming minimalist! By the way, I hope you have a nice, dry basement (or a moisture-proof box)…
I have to say I am not a minimalist, although I do pack minimally when I travel. If it doesn’t fit into my travel bag (standard carryon size) I don’t take it. I don’t have a problem wearing pants 2x before washing them (unless I spill on them). But I do have a wedding dress (simple a-line that I will use peices of with peices of my daughters baby clothing for their kids) and a wedding album. I love printed pics.
If you are looking to keep your wedding minimalist:
1. In lieu of favors make a donation to your favorite charity (trust me when I say no one misses the favor) and put up a little sign that says In Lieu of Favors the Bride and Groom have made a donation to —-
2. A weeknight wedding will keep you pretty minimal. Skip the formal dinner and go for munchies and a few drinks. Have someone you know handle the music and enjoy the evening.
3. Register. Did you know you can register for you honeymoon? And then your guests can pay for bits and peices of it for you.
4. Tell your family (your mom and his) that you already have a furnished home, so for those who feel obligated to get you a gift, restaurant gift cards, bottles of wine or other items you can use up would be most appreciated.
I even received an invitation that said NO GIFTS on it. When I called the Bride’s mother she explained that because they both owned homes prior they were just combining two households and already had to much. Instead they asked that we make a donation in their name to a charity. I planted a tree in their name at a local park with a name plate (they love to go visit their tree).
TreeHugginMomma, thank you *so much* for the fabulous comment! What wonderful tips for a minimalist wedding…
I love the idea of charitable donations, and registering for a honeymoon. And I think planting a tree for your friends’ wedding was a particularly lovely gift.
My advice to any young bride is to skip the formal ANYTHING when it comes to registering. (Just because your sweet, spoiled, southern momma who grew up hosting teas (um, that’d be my mother) thinks it’s a necessity, doesn’t mean that it is for you. Trust me, if you want to host a tea or a cotillion or Thanksgiving dinner, there are fancy plates to be found.) People want to give to newly weds, and it’s been my experience that they’re just as content and sometimes even more so to write a check that goes toward your nest egg or honeymoon. I know I’d much rather help you build the house of your dreams or build a memory that makes you smile for years to come than to add to your collection of china that’s “too delicate to eat from.”
Great advice, Rosie! Our lifestyles are so different from past generations, and some of these leftover “traditions” (like registering for a set of china or silverware) just result in unnecessary clutter. I agree, contributions towards a house or honeymoon seem much more practical for a young couple.
I had a mid-sized wedding. We kept things reasonable and had a good time. I bought my dress at a second-hand store to save money–I just refused to spend thousands of dollars on a dress. I am going to sell or donate it, though (I doubt my son will want to wear it!). We did register for certain things and I’ve used everything over the years.
When my parents got married, my mother’s cousin made my mother’s wedding dress. After the wedding, Mom removed the arms and made it into an evening gown, which she wore to many events. She had a couple of pieces of fabric leftover, and a friend made one piece into a doll’s dress for one of my dolls. I have it still and treasure it.
Amanda, great idea to buy your dress second-hand. And it’s wonderful to hear that your mother’s dress was put to such good use!
From: Lulu
I never cease to be appalled at the amount people pay for weddings. I would much rather put that amount on a house or a trip… We got married twenty years ago for about 2000$ total.We’re still together…
There were only 20 people at the wedding. The civil ceremony was in our living room. I wore a lovely long vintage dress that just about fits in a baggy ( I still have it).My husband rented a tux.We had flowers from the florist and flowers from the local market. A friend took pictures. We had tapas and real champagne. No registry, no gifts, handmade invitations,no DJ, etc.
It was lovely. People still talk about it…
That sounds like a beautiful wedding, Lulu! I agree: the quality of the event (and the marriage) has absolutely nothing to do with the money spent — so may as well put those dollars to better use!
Almost 22 years ago we had almost 200 people at our wedding and I knew everyone but one or 2 couples. We paid for half of everything and our parents helped with the rest, but it was all paid for before the wedding day. The same seamstress made my mother’s, my godmother’s and my wedding dress, which I had fashioned after my Mom’s dress. I have the dress and I have three teenage daughters. If one of them doesn’t choose to wear it, I will part with it after I wear it to our 25th Anniversary. I will be encouraging our girls to be more original than we were; our big departure from tradition was to have all of our wedding pictures taken before the ceremony. It was brilliant; everything was at it’s freshest-dress, hair, make-up, flowers, etc. I wish more people realized that after every wedding is a marriage, and that they would put more time and effort into the more important event!
Thanks for sharing this, begoodbabe! Great point about putting as much time and effort into the marriage as the wedding.
What wonderful suggestions for minimalist weddings. Can I suggest to those proposing an elopement or tiny ceremony that they do think about scheduling a get-together for family and friends later on?
I have a friend who was living with her partner overseas. His best mate arrived by plane one morning, and was picked up at the airport with a ‘oh, by the way, we’re getting married at a registry office this afternoon, and you’re the best man’.
They had told their parents about the plan earlier in the week, but because of the extreme short notice, family weren’t able to get to the ceremony. When they got back home six months later, they just mentioned it quietly to those who were unaware.
My friend looks back on that day with fond memories, but then cringes at the number of people who were incredibly hurt that they hadn’t been told beforehand, or that they hadn’t been told immediately afterward. She suggested that if they’d gotten home and organised a big backyard BBQ, and invited everyone (not telling them that it was a wedding celebration, therefore avoiding the need for ‘no presents’ advice), they could have announced it there, and people would have felt included.
There’s a reason they say that weddings are about the families, so please ensure that yours feel they were included in your celebrations – in one form or another!
Thanks, DebF! Those are great suggestions for including family in the event — without involving a big production or lots of presents. We spent the year after our wedding having “mini-celebrations” (dinner, drinks, etc) with friends and family across the country.
I went the same route as you with the wedding dress! We got married in 2002. I bought a French ivory lace dress from a regular clothing shop. It cost 80 euros. I have worn it since to my God daughter’s christening and some other party. My shoes were caramel colored sandals that I’d bought and worn before we got married (since then sold off).
BTW.. Great blog
Your dress sounds lovely, Cat’s Meow! Thanks for the nice words about my blog.
I just got married three weeks ago, and my goal for the big day was to get married at the courthouse and have a dinner with close friends and family after. (Our downtown area is so beautiful. I just knew it would look gorgeous in photographs.) However, family pressured us into having a more traditional wedding.
We made a budget and stuck to it. I chronicled everything on the blog to keep us on track. I did buy a traditional wedding dress ($549 at David’s Bridal), and, like another reader, I’m now looking at donating the dress to Bride’s Against Breast Cancer or another charitable organization. I don’t plan on having children, and I won’t be wearing that giant dress again. I just love the idea that someone else will buy my dress, love it like I have and wear it on their big day. I just hope they pass it on to someone too – whether it be a stranger or a young family member!
We had the ceremony and reception (a backyard BBQ!) at my parents’ home, where I grew up, and it meant so much to us to do that. In the end, I was glad that we had the more traditional ceremony while still making the details (like the BBQ and daisies in mason jars centerpieces) our own.
And I love your dress and the fact that you still wear it! Very cool!
Congratulations, Red! That’s wonderful that you’re thinking of donating your dress. I love how you want it to bring joy to someone else.
hehe I have this in common with you, I’m not the type of girl who grew up dreaming of a huge wedding, in fact, this may sound weird but growing up I thought if I ever found someone I wouldn’t want to get married in front of my parents and friends. I don’t know why but to me getting married by a judge or minister in private was more appealing.
Growing up I always thought it was more romantic if me and my SO would get married privately, I didn’t want to get married in a traditional wedding dress either, I liked the idea of wearing a short blue dress, then go vacation in Hawaii or somewhere cool and enjoy each other. If I ever get married then that’s what I’ll do.
Although I’m still not sure about getting married, that’s another topic in itself but, yeah, I like the idea of keeping things private and simple.
Hi nyxmoxie! By all means, if you don’t want a traditional wedding, don’t have one. We loved our simple, private ceremony. You can always celebrate with friends and family afterwards.
I wore white linen trousers, a white cotton sleeveless shirt and a tunique in silvery linen that I knitted myself. All these clothes have been worn since.
My family was not invited because of divorced parents. We had dinner with 7 friends. One of them made my bouquet and the flowers on the table. Another helped us clean the house a couple of days before, and other friends brought the wine. We only had to look after the caterer. It was a really wonderful day.
My parents were invited to dinner separately shortly after our wedding day.
gregorius, what a lovely outfit (and wedding)!
MM, I just came upon your site today and your story is eerily prescient of exactly what my sweetheart and I are doing in two months – eloping in Reykjavik, just the two of us and a travel-friendly, no-fuss dress that I can wear again and again and again. Cheers to being the first person I’ve “met” who is the same breed of pragmatic romantics as we are.
Have a fabulous time, Leslie! We have so many wonderful memories of our Icelandic wedding, and will likely return for our anniversary next year. Don’t miss the Blue Lagoon!
Your wedding sounded lovely, Francine. 20 years ago, we got married in my parent’s living room with 36 of our closest and dearest around us. Immediately after the ceremony (conducted by a local JP), the furniture was moved and card tables set up for dinner. Mom and I did most of the cooking, some folks contributed dishes, and DB, who had worked for a caterer in the past, contributed his expertise in laying out the buffet (much appreciated). I won’t go into all the other things we did to keep it simple yet festive, but the only thing I have (besides DH and fond memories) is my wedding dress – an ivory tea length Jessica McClintock confection. I’m almost at the place where I can donate it, but just not yet. This thread is moving me in that direction, though…some young lady might really like it, and it is taking up room in the spare closet!
I’m really enjoying your blog!
We eloped in Banff, Alberta 9 years ago and I wore a white pantsuit, for which I think I paid $60. The only people present were the officiant and his spouse as a witness. We got married “again” on a beach in Mexico the next year and our families were present for that. I wore a traditional wedding dress, which I later donated to Brides Against Breast Cancer. In my opinion, the idea of the “Fairytale Wedding” is a form of consumer brainwashing and has little to do with marriage.